It was about 13 years ago, September of 2009 - I was sitting on the

floor of my kitchen, broken and distraught because my partner of almost 6 years decided to leave me. She had decided to cheat on me with the next-doors neighbors wife. Julie and I bought a house together a little over a year before this happened and I thought we were good. We moved to Portland, Oregon from Atlanta to be with her family since my parents never accepted my gay lifestyle and in a matter of days - all was gone.

For almost 20 years I had dated women and the thought of starting over didn’t appeal to me. I had said in the past that if this relationship doesn’t work with her, “I’m done”.

I had already called my parents a week or two earlier telling them that I was ready to get right with God, but I wasn’t sure what that actually was going to mean or even look like.

There I was on the floor - I was a hot mess - looking up at the ceiling and out loud, I told God -

“I don’t know what you’re going to do or how You’re going to do it, but I don’t want to keep doing the same thing and expecting different results.” I may have felt insane, but I knew I wasn’t.

I knew it was going to take some kind of miracle from the Lord to change my heart and my life. I felt like I had no other choice but to trust the Lord...that He would help me leave this life style. I felt scared and numb. I lost my partner and the whole reason for living in Oregon...and the thought of losing my identity as a proud lesbian was too much for me to handle.

BUT I had been without peace for years - torn up about my salvation, knowing that if I died, I couldn’t justify my life to the Lord...and I tried everything over the years to try to please Him, and have Him be okay with my life, but I felt like I was dealing with 2 negative sides of a magnet - trying to get them to stick together. They don’t go together...I couldn’t please Him.

I want to read Romans 8:5-8
5). “For those who live according to the flesh, set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. 6) For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. 7) For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed it cannot. 8). Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.”
I lived the latter for years. It’s not a good place to be.

When I did finally surrender my life back over to Jesus - just making that decision in my heart and reading the Bible again - the peace I felt was too profound for me to ignore. I felt like I could breathe again and I had no idea how parched I was - it was like I was drinking water for the first time in 20 years.

I grew up in a Christian home, went to church, attended a Christian school. I accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my Savior when I was 8. I had parents that were wonderful humans and were excellent Godly examples, and we had a close relationship.

I went off to school - to a Christian College in New York..then to nursing school in Atlanta. Within a few days of Nursing School I made friends with another student and we hit it off great. She came from a Christian family too, so we had many things in common. I genuinely liked being around her - but what I didn’t realize was that she was pursuing me. Around 6 months later, our friendship turned into more than a friendship. We were together for a couple of years and that experience took the trajectory of my life into a whole different direction than I even thought it would...but it felt natural to me even though I was tormented inside - because I knew that homosexuality was wrong according to Scripture.

For the next several years, I made friends with many lesbians and immersed myself in that community and actively participated in the Gay Pride Celebrations each year. I found a gay church (Metropolitan Community Church) and became a deacon in the church...thinking that the more I was involved, the better I would feel about being gay. The preaching was poor and eventually the church fell apart.

Around 2003, I became involved with Julie and in 2006, we had a ceremony (like a wedding) in a Lutheran church, and one year later, we moved to Oregon. I wanted to be around family and her family embraced us.

When Julie left me in 2009, she literally walked out. She told me that she “left me everything” - the house, the car, most everything inside and was offended that I was upset because I was then responsible for the mortgage, the car payment - running the household on one income instead of two. It was overwhelming to say the least.

THIS IS WHERE THE GOOD STUFF STARTS
A couple of months before she left me, I was working a ton of

overtime at my job. What I did not realize, was the Lord was setting me up to be able to “on paper” refinance the house in my name only. This was the first of so many things that the Lord did for me, to help, encourage, and sustain me. I was able to sell the car, find a roommate to help with the bills and I got 3 raises within that first year. I’ve never had that many raises in a year before or after that in my 30 years of nursing.

Right at the beginning of my life change, I called Mom and Dad every morning before I went to work for devotions and prayer until I felt more settled. Mom connected me with a Biblical counselor who helped me re-focus on Christ and reading the Word. He also connected me to a church called Door of Hope. It was close to my home and he felt that it would be a good fit for me. Josh White was the pastor and soon after, Tim Mackie (co-founder of the Bible Project) joined as one of the pastors. We received sound doctrine and I soaked it up as much as possible.

From the time Julie left to around February 2011 (almost a year and a half) I was straddling the fence of my old life and my new life. I knew where I needed to be and I wanted to honor the Lord, but I was struggling.

When the opportunity came up to be baptized, I asked my parents if they would be all right with my getting baptized again, since I had already been as an infant. They were so on board with it and very encouraging. On February 20, 2011 - on my way up the stairs to be baptized at the church, I was met by an elder at the door. I never had a conversation with this elder, but he tried to get my name right. He pointed at me and said, “Julie, right?” Nope, not right!

I took that as a last stab at discouraging me to go forward with the baptism. He meant no harm, but I felt it was used to try to harm me. I felt more encouraged that I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing.

The baptism was a pivotal moment for me. I’d made a promise to God and my church family to pursue my Savior and what I learned over time was that if I base my actions on my feelings, I’d run my life into a ditch again. What I needed to do was be obedient to the Lord and His Word, no matter how I felt.

The fight for my life was excruciating and intense at times. I felt like someone had thrown the biggest octopus on me and each suction cup on each leg represented the bondage and consequence of my sin for 20 years.

Years have gone by and my intense daily struggles with the gay lifestyle seem so long ago. Soon it will be 12 years since my baptism and I am so thankful for the faithful prayers of my parents and close friends. I am a completely renewed person. And by the grace of God, He helped me take every thought captive and He gently leads me.

He never left me.
In 2016, I felt the Lord wanting me to move back to Florida to be with

my parents, so I put my house on the market and moved back in with them in December 2016. It’s been a learning curve for the three of us to all be together, but we’re doing well. I find it an honor and privilege to be with them in their elder years. I am grateful for them, grateful for their prayers, for they love, but mostly for their love and fear of the Lord. If they would have accepted my gay lifestyle, I would have lost all respect for them. I would have known that they had chosen me over the Lord. Even though I desired that they accept my lifestyle, I am glad that their relationship and faith in the Lord came before me.

I am humbled by God’s mercy, His faithfulness, His love for me and His kindness that brought me to repentance. I love this church and am honored to be about to share my story. I hope this encourages you to keep praying for those who are lost and not living for the Lord.

My parents prayed for me for 17 years to leave the lifestyle (they didn’t know about my choices for the first 3 years) and Mom told me that she was just about ready to give up hope. Don’t give up hope. You don’t know what the Lord is doing in the hearts of people. Be bold, know His word and don’t be afraid to talk about the Lord. You never know who is desperately looking for help in their lives. We have the answer - it’s Jesus Christ.

If you are struggling with homosexuality and the Lord has been graciously convicting you of this sin, I beg you to listen to Him and repent of your sin. He will change your life.

You absolutely can leave this lifestyle with His help. I don’t recommend “white knuckling” it, but surround yourself with Godly people that will pray for you and help point you to Jesus. Satan wants to keep you in bondage, but the freedom that Christ offers and freely gives you - all of us - is life changing. It is so worth losing everything to be right with the Lord.

He is my Savior
I am His precious daughter My identity is in Him

I love you guys.